I’m Not Stuck
Contrary to the title, I am stuck. I’m not sure if writing is even my passion anymore. I’m in a place where I still want to call myself a writer, but I literally don’t write… except for what I’m doing now. I’m trying to figure out if I’ve reached the point where I'm ready to try something else.
All my life, I have been one who dabbles in many different interests. It’s most evident in my interest in many sports. I played basketball, volleyball, track, cheerleading, gymnastics, and softball. I've played the piano, the violin, the clarinet, and even the kalimba. In college, I went from general studies to zoology, music production, and journalism to finally settling in English. I like options, and I have a lot of interests. It’s not until I’m forced to commit to something that I finally do it. In college, I had to choose my major. When I joined the military, I signed a contract and had to stick it out. I found my loophole to be able to get out of more school. So again, I found an interest in PR and got a Masters in that justto go back to school again for Graphic Design.
As a child, I was blessed to have parents who allowed me to try and figure out where my interests were. And while I appreciate the freedom, sometimes times I wonder if that hindered me in my ability to be able to focus on one thing and really make it a passion. Or am I just the truest Sagittarius out there? I like my freedom, and I’m just going to try any and everything out.
I’m currently in a state of question about myself and my journey as a writer and creator. I thought I found my passion and love in writing. The way my imagination is set up, I can come up with any scenario at a moment's notice. I’m constantly thinking of “what ifs.” I can’t even watch movies without trying to figure out what’s happening next because I'm also watching to see how the movie could be translated into a novel. I've deemed myself a writer because I am. I am a published author. If it hadn’t been for a certain person to push me, my novel might have never been completed. The funny thing, now that I think about it, is the fact that my novel isn’t even finished. (spoiler alert) I made my first novel a cliffhanger. So, in reality, it's not even done lol.
I just sat back in my chair to think about that. I couldn’t even commit fully to my story.
I'm not shaming myself because it is still published! I wrote a full 80k+ word novel, and that can’t be taken away by anyone. But that’s not even my concern. I’m trying to decide if that chapter of being a writer is over for me…
It is Feb 10th, 2025. The state of the world is in literally turmoil, and there is so much to think about. I try not to put too much pressure on myself because as much as I want to escape daily into my writing, I am consumed by the thoughts that are focused on whether I will be able to afford eggs next week. If a major emergency happens, will I have the means to cover it? Speaking of commitments, I’m over my job and want another. Will I be able to leave my role since the job market is also so poor? It's like I can’t find the space in my mind to even allow myself to be free of those impending thoughts and find the peace of creating the stories from the many ideas I randomly jot down in my notes.
I saw someone on TikTok say, ‘After you clock out for them, that’s when you clock in for you,” and it's something that I really have to begin doing- or at least thinking about doing. I was out playing with Pepper and said aloud, “I have to make a change.” As much as I love escaping through my Sims, I have to put that energy into myself.
Today is Monday, and I don’t even want an accountability partner because it is all on me. It is the first day I have sat down since… I'm certain last year, but maybe November, that I last took time to write. I want to begin writing at least 500 words a day. I bought a second desk so I would have to move my work stuff. So, I have the space and opportunity to get this done for myself.
Secondly, I will begin streaming my sims on Twitch because why not? I've been playing for over 20 years. It’s my game, and others should see. I also think a lot of this has stemmed from me taking the time to hook everything up to be able to stream, but that looming writing monster is behind me like, “What about me?” Streaming still be the reward? I don’tknow if that will be the result, but I’ll go with it for now.
Lastly, I want to post more on TikTok. I recorded a video the other day expressing how everyone has made TikTok their journal or diary. I don’t know if I can get behind that! I’m such a personal person it’s so invading to me, but I don’t have to share everything. However, anything is everything to me. I’ll have to figure that out as well.
I’m hoping these methods of creativity and having these outlets will help me figure out if writing has now just because one of the things I tried out and decided was simply something for the moment or not. I also hope that I will figure out if my wanting to go back to school again (sigh) is something I truly want to do for a career change or if I'm truly just as bored as I think I am.
I’m committed to finding out.
Call to action:
Write 500 words a day
Start streaming the Sims
Post on TikTok
Determine if school is really on the agenda.
